Buying a House! And Mental Health Check In

We are currently under contract with the most awesome house in the world.  I feel like such a fan girl every time I talk about it.  The house is awesome.  I get giddy just thinking about living there, serving dinner in the elegant dining room, decorating the mantels for the holidays, watching Benjamin take his first steps in the totally cool playroom I'm designing for him.

But..............

I'm just so nervous about it all because it's CHANGE and change and me are like woah.

Is it really going to work out?  Is it going to suck all of our finances or mental energy to adjust to living in this place? Is it the best thing for our baby?  To be honest, just trying to define our design aesthetic keeps me up half the night in a state of paralysis.

Isn't that crazy?

Did you think I was normal?

That was your first mistake.

I started this blog when I was first pregnant and I thought I'd write a lot about my mental health issues during pregnancy.  Then, amazingly, I felt really good throughout the whole pregnancy and even during the early months of motherhood. Better than I have ever felt in recent memory. That doesn't mean that it hasn't been a process.  Sometimes I wonder how the hell I will get through the night. Sometimes I just go to bed right after Benjamin does because I am mentally (more so than physically) exhausted. My life is so different than it was a year ago that it's hard not to be completely sidelined by the enormity of it all.

I'm sort of word vomiting right now but I just want to normalize mental health issues.  I know I wouldn't be as strong and confident as I am right now without regular therapy this past year and a half and I'm so thankful for that. And it's totally okay to be totally fucken freaked out every now and then.  Am I right?

So anyway, wish me luck with the house.  It has seven fireplaces.  If all goes well, I will own it by this time next month.