Our Due Date Is Here

I never thought I'd have a twenty day old baby on June 17th, yet, as much as I said over and over again how I was prepared to be pregnant past my due date, I much prefer having Benjamin safely here at home with us instead.  We went out to lunch yesterday for DH's birthday and Father's Day and I ran into a friend who is due on Friday.  Just looking at her made me cringe a bit.  Wow, she is really pregnant!  I'm so thankful that I'm not!

Now that I've put that out in the universe, I bet my second kid will be two weeks late.  Oh well.  That's not happening for a while, but I can totally understand the newborn envy mothers of older children experience.  I always said that babies were just a gateway to my preferred stage of development, namely kindergartners.  And sure, I'm still looking forward to that age.  But newborns are SO perfect.  They are so small and dependent and every time they open their eyes it's a gift.  Benjamin gets older every day and it's so cool (but hard!) to watch.  You really wish you could freeze time.

We've had a great twenty days.  Everyone always remarks how we've taken Benjamin "everywhere!" but really we've just been to a few local places, including a street fair last Saturday and the annual Gay Pride Festival in the park across from our condo last Sunday.  Apparently this makes me a rebel in the eyes of my family.  We've also been to Walmart, the doctor's office and three restaurants within walking distance of home.  All were a wild success!  Benjamin sleeps in the car seat anytime we take him out somewhere.  He even manages to stay roughly on his eating schedule.  We are pretty lucky.

This past Saturday was our first family road trip.  I was nervous about taking him in the car lest he woke up and we had to pull over to comfort him but, amazingly, he slept the entire 90 minute ride both ways!  We went to my aunt's house and Benjamin got to meet my entire extended family.

Tomorrow we may take a walk down to a park outside my office and have lunch with a coworker who wants to meet Benjamin.  And Thursday I was thinking of taking him to a Mommy and Baby group at the place where we took birth classes. Hopefully the weather will cooperate.

In career news, I had my two job interviews last week and I think they went well.  I'm being considered for three different positions.  I'd greatly prefer one of them over the others but if I'm offered any I will likely accept.  Fingers crossed.

Thursday we were at the doctor's office because Benjamin had the sniffles and found out he weighed 6 pounds, 11 ounces.  That's a gain of seven ounces in a week!  He's still only in the 5th to 10th percentile but I'm happy he's gaining steadily.  I've been getting more and more milk from my breast pump so he is now getting mostly breast milk in his bottles.  Yesterday, for example, I expressed fourteen ounces and he consumed twenty four ounces - his second most hungry day yet!

Physically, I'm feeling good.  Bleeding had tapered off but then came back yesterday.  I'm experiencing some nighttime anxiety still, which sucks, but Benjamin has been sleeping good stretches at night.  Last night I slept from 12-3 and then took over from DH.  Benjamin woke up again around 3:40 and 6:20.  In between I sleep on the couch or play on my computer depending on how tired I am.  Then, when H gets up for work at 8 or 9 I go back into the bedroom and watch the Today Show or sleep. Or pump.  Pumping is easier now that my Medela Freestyle has arrived.  It's just as efficient as the hospital pump I rented but much smaller so you can (theoretically) walk around while you're pumping.  My only complaint so far is how loud it is!

Not 39 Weeks - Postpartum Check In

Today at 9 o'clock I got a text from Baby Center that said "you are 39 weeks pregnant."  Sigh.  Its still unbelievable to me that, not only is Benjamin here, he has been with us for the past fourteen days.  I never got to worry about not going into labor before my (evil) doctor pushed an induction.  I never got to take last pictures of a ridiculously pregnant belly.  I never got to go into work days from my due date and make everyone worry I was going to have the baby under my desk.  I never got my farewell maternity leave cake!

Obviously I wouldn't change a thing and I'm glad Benjamin is here and healthy.  Just, wow, how did this happen?

There's so much I want to write about.  My birth story (nearly done).  Our postpartum hospital stay.  All things Benjamin, etc.  But for now, since it's easier and on my mind, I want to write about my postpartum recovery.

Weight: This has been a pretty awesome side effect of giving birth. Despite not really gaining weight during my pregnancy, I lost over twenty five pounds within days of having Benjamin.  I'm now about twenty two pounds below my pre-pregnancy weight.  And people I've seen or who have seen pictures of me on Facebook have not been shy about pointing it out. I'm really hoping I can maintain this weight until at least my six weeks postpartum appointment and then start working on dieting and working out to lose a little more.  Once upon a time (i.e. seven years ago) I was a healthy weight and I'd love to get back in that range.

Mental Health: Good.  Also better than expected.  I am still trying to reconcile the tragedy of my sister in law's death with the joy of the birth of my son and frankly I'm not sure I'll ever be "over it" exactly but I just try to enjoy each day and be thankful. I had Benjamin's placenta made into capsules and I really think taking them has helped my moods stabilize.  I'm basing this on the very thin anecdotal evidence of the one day I forgot to take my capsule my moods were a little more out of control.  I always said even if placenta encapsulation has absolutely no medical value, for $150, it was a risk I was willing to take and I'm glad we did it.

Just like the anxiety I experienced during pregnancy, I feel most anxious at night, particularly when my husband and I start sleeping in shifts.  I am grateful that I have been getting a decent amount of sleep but it's just not the same when you are used to going to sleep whenever you want and sleeping as long as you want.

I was able to attend my regular Friday therapy session at only ten days postpartum.  It was important to me to keep the appointment because I'll be leaving Benjamin with my husband to go on my job interviews this week.  More on that below.

Physical Health: I'm taking iron pills right now because I'm slightly anemic, and they are awful.  But I stopped taking pain killers day ago.  I don't have any vaginal pain.  I'm still bleeding and it gets heavier depending on my level of activity.  I assume my stitches have healed since I haven't felt them.  I get tired from standing long periods of time but that may be due to the whole reduced sleep factor.

Co-parenting: Going well.  We are mostly bottle feeding so it has allowed us to give each other breaks, which is nice.  DH sleeps a solid block of five hours at night in a row, while I take usually two shifts of three hours.  During the day it's much easier since we are both rested.  H did a little work starting the second day back from the hospital so that he wouldn't be too far behind and didn't have to charge his vacation time.  Starting today he is "back" on a part time basis for the week, but it's nice that he's still physically here since he works from home.

Maternity Leave Thoughts: I was enjoying watching The Today Show for a while but it's ironically very repetitive.  It's weird not being at work on a Monday.  It's weirder still thinking I may never return to my current job.  I have a certain level of guilt about that for some reason (then again I feel guilty a lot lately!).  In addition to the long awaited job interview that Benjamin's birth threw a kink in, I just got a call today from another agency and I'll be interviewing with them on Friday.  I don't want to count my chickens but if I were a better man, I would wager that some agency will snap me up by the time my maternity leave is up.  If I get a new job before DH (who has been interviewing for months) I will just laugh.  Wish me luck.

Benjamin is Here!

In my last entry, I wrote that I wanted to stay pregnant for at least two more weeks.  As a result I went and had a baby the very next day.  I didn't get to go on my job interview or ditch my OB's office.  I DID, however, get to deliver the world's best baby into the world on Tuesday, May 28th at 2:11 p.m. after a fast and furious labor.  Benjamin Eli couldn't wait to meet us.

We love him so much.

More (and more!) to come.

And my job interview has been rescheduled. :-)

37 Weeks

I don't have a lot to write this week.  Or maybe I do, but I don't want to write it.


The week started out pretty crappy and then got unimaginably worse when my sister in law, my husband's only sibling, died suddenly at the age of 38.  We are devastated and in shock. I don't know what else to say about it. Life is really just cruel and unfair sometimes.  She leaves behind a husband and two small children.

For some reason I have an ominous feeling this pregnancy is nearing its end so I wanted to document Week 37, as shitty as it is.  I honestly want to be pregnant for at least two more weeks no matter how uncomfortable it gets just to put some mental distance between the two events.

How Far Along: 37 weeks.  I've reached "term" even though according to March of Dimes "full term" isn't until 39 weeks.  Oh well, close enough.
Size of baby: Baby is the size of a winter melon, or, you know, the size of a six pound infant.
Total Weight Gain/Loss: No change.
Workouts: I think I overdid it walking around at a concert yesterday and now I'm miserable.
Maternity Clothes: Sure.
Gender: It's a boy!
Movement: All the friggen time.  He's clawing his way out.
Sleep: Fine when I'm not puking or peeing or anxious.
What I miss: .....
Cravings: Nothing.
Symptoms: Pain, pressure, general discomfort.
Anxiety Level: Can't even go there this week.
Best Moment this week: .....
Reading: ....
Dad is: ......

In other news, I have a job interview on Wednesday.  Yeah, at 37 weeks, 2 days.  As I mentioned before, I knew it was a possibility but it seems a little crazy at this point.  On the one hand, I pretty much loathe my job lately and I'm anxious for a change/salary boost.  On the other hand, I don't know how it would work out even if I did get the job.  I know I wouldn't be able to take the 18 weeks off I currently have planned, but would they let me take 12?  Anything less than that I would feel pretty guilty.  So here goes nothing I guess.

I'm also dumping my OB's office.  Or trying to anyway.  Stay tuned for news about this.  It is another reason why I don't want to go into labor anytime soon.  I need to straighten this mess out and soon.

But, in happier news, my tiny cat loves the new infant seat.

36 Weeks

I am making a ridiculous face in this bump photo but since I literally could not stand wearing this outfit for one more minute, I only allowed one take.  This dress was the one I had originally wanted to wear to my shower this past weekend, but it got vetoed because it was too short.  After wearing it to work today, I can now verify that is is, in fact, too short.  Lucky for me, no one can really notice when I'm sitting in my cubicle.  I like the dress so much I bought two of them and plan to wear them post-delivery, yet walking home in the sweltering heat today made me hate the thick interior lining.

Yes, that's right.  It went from low 40's last week to over eighty degrees today. And it was SO muggy.  I'm glad I only have four more weeks of pregnancy left because I am not cut out for being hugely pregnant in the summer. I think I would show up to work in a tank top and boxer shorts every day until I got fired.

But speaking of getting fired, I GOT MY MATERNITY LEAVE APPROVED! It was such a non-event at my joke of a job.  My boss called me into his office late last week and just handed me a form to sign with no discussion.  I placed said form back on his desk a few minutes later while he was away.  Today I got a copy of said form signed by the Powers That Be.  I guess no one has anything to say to me about transitioning my work to another attorney, notifying the clients I'm responsible for about my planned absence, or my offer to start back on a part time basis?  Well okay then, see you in late October losers!  Eighteen weeks of freedom!  Oh and taking care of a newborn.

How Far Along: 36 weeks. Officially nine months pregnant.
Size of baby: Baby is the size of a honeydew.
Total Weight Gain/Loss: No change.
Workouts: I returned presents and did some shopping today at Buy Buy Baby and nearly passed out.
Maternity Clothes: If I must, though it's officially too hot for pants so I'm just trying to wear dresses now.
Gender: It's a boy!
Movement: Yes he's pretty active lately.  He gets pissed if I don't eat at the usual times.
Sleep: Sucky.  I go to hang out in bed early in the night because I need to stretch my joints and end up falling asleep and being wide awake later in the night and unable to get back to sleep.  Also getting out of bed to pee is really hard now.
What I miss: Not peeing ten times a night.
Cravings: Food is gross.  I would just like to drink water all day long and maybe have soft serve ice cream.
Symptoms: Ankles of doom!
Anxiety Level: Only a one or a two this week.
Best Moment this week: My shower!
Reading: I'm working on Natural Hospital Birth: The Best of Both Worlds.
Dad is: Nesting a little.

This weekend was my shower thrown by my mom and sisters.  It was pretty awesome.  My mom rented a room at an Italian restaurant in my hometown.  The food was so yummy and she decorated the room with baby pictures of DH and I, plus a handmade diaper motorcycle and other jungle accessories to match the theme we chose for the baby's room/office.  

We got almost everything we need for Gizmo's arrival, minus the swing I purchased today and some other miscellaneous things.  Now we just need to put everything away, wash the baby's clothes, hang up some shelves, get the car seat installed and hire someone to do a deep cleaning of the apartment.

New in pregnancy symptoms this week is the demise of my ankles.  It all started a few days ago.  I had a busy night at a charity event and then came home and was running around.  I went to put pajamas on and wanted socks because my feet were cold.  All of a sudden my sock wouldn't fit on my foot.  I freaked out!  DH took my blood pressure and it was a little high.  The next morning I went to the nurse at work to show her my ankles and have her take my blood pressure.  The latter was totally fine and she said the swelling wasn't so bad.  It gets a tad better if I elevate my feet for ninety minutes but I pretty much haven't seen my ankle bones since then.  I was so looking forward to not being a big bloated mess at my shower but I guess nature finally caught up with me.

Oh well, at least my hair looked fabulous!

35 Weeks

Today I'm 35 weeks pregnant, which means I have 35 days to go! I tried to explain to DH the concept of "35/35" as it is known to pregnant ladies everywhere but he was less enthusiastic.  He should try walking around with a baby in his pelvic region for a week or two and then see how he feels about celebrating milestones.

We had my "first" Mother's Day this weekend.  I mean, I'm not a mother to an "outside baby" just yet but the day was special because it was the first time since my first year of law school I haven't gone to see my parents and/or in laws.  Don't get me wrong, I missed being with my family, but after a lot of travel lately, everything at work, plus traveling again next weekend for Shower #2, it was nice to have a weekend to ourselves.

Saturday we attended a day long crash course on using our DSLR camera.  It was really cool!  I'm still very much a novice when it comes to taking pictures but at least I understand all the concepts behind it and what most of the buttons do.

Sunday there was a festival in the park across the street from our apartment.  The tulips were all blooming and it was really nice, despite the iffy weather.  We saw an up and coming band we like and ate yummy carnival food.


Speaking of iffy weather, it was 45 degrees today.  In May!  So this is a rare belly shot of me in my one pair of maternity pants.  I loathe them.  Despite the fact that I'm wearing an undershirt you can totally see the entire panel of the pants in this picture.  It's okay though, since I wore a cardigan to work over this shirt.  I took the cardigan off so that you can see the bump better.  My hair is also a hot mess because DH was on a conference call this morning so he didn't get to take this picture until I got home at 7 p.m.


How Far Along: 35 weeks.
Size of baby: Baby is the size of a coconut!
Total Weight Gain/Loss: No real change.  Though I weighed in at the doctor in the afternoon this week and was up like five pounds but I usually have morning appointments so I think it was just water weight.  Who knows. Three below BFP weight on my bedroom scale this morning.
Workouts: Anytime I walk anywhere I feel like I deserve a medal.
Maternity Clothes: Screw maternity clothes.  I just bought three potential shower dresses. One of them was maternity and cost $130.  The other two were non maternity and came out to $72 for both.  I'm hoping to return the first one but I still haven't made up my mind.
Gender: It's a boy!
Movement: Yes!  This week my son discovered The Black Eyed Peas and he is a fan.
Sleep: Yes please.  I love sleep.  I'd sleep all day if I could, just like the cats.
What I miss: Not peeing ten times a night.
Cravings: Went to a carnival yesterday and wanted kettle corn if that counts.  Otherwise, none.
Symptoms: Feels like a baby is about to fall out of my vagina.
Anxiety Level: Only a one or a two this week.
Best Moment this week: My first Mother's Day!
Reading: Sigh.  I had so many lofty reading goals for this pregnancy but tiredness and work has just gotten in my way.

Dad is: Becoming an expert with our new DSLR.

So much on my mind to write about right now, but I'm going to save some stuff for later posts and just focus on work. I submitted my maternity leave plan on Tuesday. so nearly a week ago and still haven't heard word back on it yet.  As frustrating as that is, I'm just going to have to assume it will be accepted and, if so, my last day of full time employment will be Friday, June 7th.  I will be 38 weeks, 4 days by that point.  The following week I will work half days until my last day, June 14th when I will be 39 weeks, 4 days.  After that I'm hoping the baby is a few days late so I can just chillax at home for a while and watch Netflix.  Now that I've written that out, of course, he will likely come on June 7th.

Further assuming that my maternity leave plan is accepted AND I don't get a new job in the meantime, I will have 18 weeks off!  I decided to combine my six week paid maternity leave with six weeks sick time and six weeks of saved vacation time.  This would put me back at the office on October 21st, though I indicated that I would be open to the possibility of returning several days a week starting after we get back from our planned Cape Cod vacation on September 16th (after 13 weeks).

But these are all BIG IFS because I have every expectation I will find a better job in the next five months.  On Friday, yet another attorney at my office gave her notice.  There are apparently better paying jobs out there we're qualified for and it's just a matter of time before one of them is mine. Ideally this would all work out just as my leave is ending but I'll trade a few weeks of leave for a less toxic work environment and a fifty percent pay increase.

That's all for now!

34 Weeks

So, first things first, I'm not wearing the dress I promised I'd wear every six weeks, as last seen in my Week 28 check in. What I failed to consider at 28 weeks was that it would be 75 degrees today and a long sleeve dress would look dumb.  Next pregnancy I must think of a better theme.  I've seen some people do the same top once a week but the idea of having to put on a special outfit just for the picture exhausts me already and I am still not a parent.  And since I only dress up three (sometimes four) days a week for work it would be silly to try to plan on wearing the same thing on the same day every week.  Maybe next time I'll be due on a Saturday?  Fingers crossed!

And now, this week's dress appeared in a few of my recent posts but never as my official check in dress.  I wore it to our Jack and Jill party and to my nephew's baptism.  I've only worn it once or twice to work so I was happy to get it out today for the nice weather.  It wasn't until four hours after this picture was taken that I realized MY DRESS WAS ON BACKWARDS.  So anyway, I think it still works, right?  LOL. The neckline is supposed to be a lot higher but I doubt anyone at work noticed.

I can't believe I'm 34 weeks already.  I think DH is finally getting used to the idea that there will be an actual baby coming into our lives NEXT MONTH.


How Far Along: 34 weeks.

Size of baby: Baby is the size of a butternut squash, which I think is the third different variety of squash he's been. Who knew there were that many?

Total Weight Gain/Loss: About the same?  It's actually been fluctuating a lot this week but as of today I'm three or four pounds over pre-IVF weight and two or three below BFP weight.
Workouts: Just walking at lunch.
Maternity Clothes: About 50/50.  Now that the weather is nice I'm just throwing on stretchy t-shirts more often.
Gender: It's a boy!
Movement: Yes, he is a little dancer this week.  I also think he smells food but my husband assures me that can't be true.
Sleep: Yes please.  I love sleep.  I'd sleep all day if I could, just like the cats.
What I miss: Really wanted a margarita for Cinco de Mayo.
Cravings: None. Food is gross and who wants to eat it?
Symptoms: Another nighttime acid induced puke fest!
Anxiety Level: Only a one or a two this week.
Best Moment this week: Another prenatal massage. Redecorating the bedroom.

Reading: Almost done with Instinctive Parenting (which I'm really enjoying).  I've been such a slow reader this pregnancy but I attribute that mostly to work being so busy.

Dad is: My hero because he rented a moving van to bring us all our "new" furniture and moved most of it all by himself (with his busted back).

Two hair loss related stories, one TMI and one not:

I went yesterday for only my second ever bikini wax in my 33 years of life.  Everyone told me I was NUTS for scheduling my first while pregnant (before we went on our cruise) but it was no big deal and I resolved I would return every four weeks throughout the pregnancy. It didn't hurt at all!

Well, fast forward about 16 weeks and I finally get back to the salon.  OMG.  Seriously it hurt more than when I dislocated my shoulder.  Why am I planning a natural birth?  I was dying.  I actually didn't let her finish the top part so there is just a random spot of hair hanging out.  I look like a freak.  She said to come back in three weeks and take Tylenol first and promises it will hurt less.  I'm not sure I can do it.

Now, about my other pussy.  My poor cat has been chewing his hair off.  We don't know what to do.  The vet diagnosed him as having seasonal allergies but I think it may be anxiety related.  We moved things around in the bedroom yesterday and (since I was worried he would be anxious) I bought two new cat beds to try to cheer him up. But no, he has been waging war with the other cat ever since.  I'm afraid he's going to be bald by the time the baby gets here.  Stay tuned for (hopefully) some progress as we tackle this problem.

Our breastfeeding class was this past Saturday and I thought it sucked.  It had some good videos but the nurse teaching it relied way too much on her Power Point and I feel like I didn't learn anything I didn't already know.  DH seemed to learn some things so I guess it wasn't a total waste.  I'm going to have to do some more breastfeeding preparation on my own in the next couple of weeks.

DH and I had long crazy days today so we skipped our Infant Care class.  We fail as parents already.  I think there's another one we can go to.

So that's it for now.  Here's a picture of the cats.  I'm feeling mostly good this week except for some late night puking.  I bought new sheets yesterday in the name of "nesting."