19 Weeks

19 weeks!  Where is my second trimester boost of energy? It's past noon and I'm drinking a latte and I'm still sort of blah. I woke up at 7 a.m. to say goodbye to DH as he had to head off to Boston  (on a day that is supposedly a holiday for his company but whatever, they suck) and could barely wake back up again at 10:30.  Truthfully I only got out of bed because both cats were glaring at me that I was in their territory past acceptable human sleep hours.

I think my fatigue may actually be contagious.  After working until 8 Friday night (three comp hours accrued towards my Gizmo Maternity Leave Stash) I picked up DH and told him we had to head straight to the concert we had planned on seeing that night.  It was in a town 40 minutes from us and I knew if I had stopped in the apartment first I would be tempted by pajamas and the couch.  We get there and have dinner and, before I know it, DH wants to turn around and go home.  It was funny because I was only really dragging myself out there because I thought he wanted to go.  Sigh. We drove 80 minutes to eat chicken Alfredo. We're old, tired people and Gizmo is not even here yet.

I look like a big pregnant person now.  I can't even imagine what 21 more weeks will bring. Forgive the crazy eyes in this photo.  I suck at self portraiture.  I want to get better at it since I just ordered a shiny new Iphone 5 and the camera is supposed to be pretty good.  I'm also wearing a hat because I don't feel like washing my hair on a national holiday. I am looking forward to the day when my belly extends past my boobs because they're about even now and it makes me feel a little bit like Violet in Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory.

How Far Along: 19 weeks
Size of baby: Baby is the size of a mango.
Total Weight Gain/Loss:  Hovering at pre-IVF weight which is 5 pounds less than the day of my IVF retrieval but 5 pounds more than I was on the day of my BFP.
Workouts: Nada.
Maternity Clothes: Mainly except for when I am not leaving my house in which case sweats, tanks and DH's clothes work just fine.
Gender: We will find out February 1st! 3rd because we're doing a cheesy gender reveal cake with our families.  Hate away, I'm excited!
Movement: Nope.  Getting a little antsy because it seems like EVERYONE on my birth month board is feeling regular kicks.

Sleep: Meh.  A little anxious right at bedtime.

What I miss: Nothing.  As of this week wine doesn't taste like acid so I have a glass every now and then.

Cravings: Nada.

Symptoms: A little more heartburn but not as bad as last week.
Anxiety Level: Holding steady at 2-3 except for occasional bedtime panic, especially when I realize I'm not taking my nightly Zoloft.

Best Moment this week: Just being home for an entire seven day period for the first time in forever.

Reading: Still reading A Discovery of Witches.

Dad is: In Boston until late Friday, boo.  He applied for a few new jobs this week so we're hoping for good news.

 

I met with my psychiatrist and my psychologist on Friday and told them about weaning off Zoloft.  I think both were a little surprised because it came out of the blue but they were supportive. So far it's been going well. I'm a little worried about my house of cards just coming tumbling down and me experiencing a regression.  Today, for example, I played a sad song on my headphones on my walk back from the store and seriously almost burst into tears.  I also called a Verizon Wireless customer service representative a dick. Oh, unregulated feelings, how I've missed you!

 

Feeling a little frustrated about the fact that it will be months and months before I can set up a nursery for Gizmo.  Again, this problem is exacerbated by reading posts on my birth month board like "finally painted the nursery" and "which crib should I buy?" I'm not buying anything right now and Gizmo will not be coming home to a nursery of his or her own and I have to just relax about that. Gizmo has over $3,000 in his/her 529 plan already and we're saving over $1,000 a month towards our down payment goal.  We met with a lawyer last week to get wills and trusts set up and next Saturday we have our physicals for our life insurance plans.  I'm doing stuff for Gizmo!  Just not anything worthy of putting on Pinterest.  Sigh.