Benjamin - Six Months Old

Benjamin is six months old! I can't believe it's been half a year since I met this little stinker. He is growing up right before my very eyes.  Every day he makes me love him more and more.  Benjamin loves attention.  He loves to laugh.  And he loves being out and about.  Everyone always says what a great baby he is - and he is - but only if we're not home.  I think he thinks home is boring.  Hopefully he will permanently think our new house is someplace interesting.

 
Weight and Other Stats: Between 16 and 18 pounds?  I'm not sure.  He's not due for his six month appointment until a few more days.

Size: Still in Size 2 diapers and he wears six month, nine months and twelve month pants.  Long legs.  Onesies depend on the brand but we're mostly age appropriate right now. I've stopped buying new clothes because he has grown so much the past few months it has seemed like a waste.  Luckily my mom keeps buying stuff at the consignment shop.

Eating: Hungry hungry hippo Benjamin has finally come around to "solids" which is good because he doesn't like his bottle unless he's desperately hungry because he's been teething for weeks now.  I feed him half a "jar" (plastic) of purees in the morning before his bottle and day care feeds him the rest at lunch.  We just started pouches this weekend and it was a huge hit - I think because it was nice and sweet.  Benjamin seems to hate green beans and other boring vegetables (which I didn't think would happen with babies if you introduced them early enough, oh well) but vegetables plus fruit seems to be working. We haven't tried any more actual "food" because I'm just not ready.

Sleeping:We are doing good.  Still goes to be right around six.  Still wears the Magic Sleep Suit.  Still wakes up once at night to eat.  Sometimes, like last night, he will wake up four other times just to cry and be sad, but I suspect that has more to do with teething.  He almost never opens his eyes when this happens so we just try to comfort him and walk away.

The newest thing that's happening is TEETH!  Benjamin is cutting at least one, and possibly four, teeth.  He appears to be cutting an eyetooth.  He wastes no opportunity to show you his tooth, or where it will be, or take your hand and put it over the affected area.  Tylenol and Ambesol are our best friends.  On weekends Benjamin just wants to be held all day and if we put him down he will cry. It's actually not as bad as it sounds.  There are certain things that CRACK this kid up but he's just not really into independent play right now.  H and I are convinced day care spoils him.  His lead teacher calls him "boyfriend" and rips him out of my arms as soon as I get into the room.  He is a little flirt and I swear he gets a little sad when he realizes he is going home with me instead of the day care ladies but I'm actually not jealous because I know they really love him.

Milestones?  None really this month though he is SO close to sitting up.  The tooth thing will be huge when it actually happens I guess.

In post partum news, I got my period!  Pretty much exactly one month after weaning from the breast pump.  We won't be ready to start fertility treatments again for a while but I'm not so secretly hoping for a freebie in the meantime.  I never thought I'd be ready for #2 before B was a year old but, what can I say, he is awesome and I loved being pregnant.  (Famous last words?)

We are close to getting his new car seat and soon we will hopefully be transitioning him to the Montessori bed in his new room.  I'm more than a little excited at the prospect of having a bedroom that I can enter between the hours of 6 and 11 p.m.

Buying a House! And Mental Health Check In

We are currently under contract with the most awesome house in the world.  I feel like such a fan girl every time I talk about it.  The house is awesome.  I get giddy just thinking about living there, serving dinner in the elegant dining room, decorating the mantels for the holidays, watching Benjamin take his first steps in the totally cool playroom I'm designing for him.

But..............

I'm just so nervous about it all because it's CHANGE and change and me are like woah.

Is it really going to work out?  Is it going to suck all of our finances or mental energy to adjust to living in this place? Is it the best thing for our baby?  To be honest, just trying to define our design aesthetic keeps me up half the night in a state of paralysis.

Isn't that crazy?

Did you think I was normal?

That was your first mistake.

I started this blog when I was first pregnant and I thought I'd write a lot about my mental health issues during pregnancy.  Then, amazingly, I felt really good throughout the whole pregnancy and even during the early months of motherhood. Better than I have ever felt in recent memory. That doesn't mean that it hasn't been a process.  Sometimes I wonder how the hell I will get through the night. Sometimes I just go to bed right after Benjamin does because I am mentally (more so than physically) exhausted. My life is so different than it was a year ago that it's hard not to be completely sidelined by the enormity of it all.

I'm sort of word vomiting right now but I just want to normalize mental health issues.  I know I wouldn't be as strong and confident as I am right now without regular therapy this past year and a half and I'm so thankful for that. And it's totally okay to be totally fucken freaked out every now and then.  Am I right?

So anyway, wish me luck with the house.  It has seven fireplaces.  If all goes well, I will own it by this time next month.

Benjamin - Five Months Old

Benjamin is five months old!  Actually he's just about 5 and a half months old but since his four month post I started a brand new job and entered into a contract with a really old house! So much excitement and so much paranoia about new job Internet monitoring means little time to blog.  But we are doing awesome.

In the beginning of the month I weaned from the breast pump.  I was hoping to exclusively pump for six months until Benjamin could get his flu shot but it just got too hard to handle pumping and everything else all at once.  I'm happy that I made it as long as I did though and that Benjamin got five months of breast milk.  And not having to wake up and try to wrangle an increasingly animated baby whilst pumping breast milk and prepping his bottles every morning is a nice change.  Now I just show up with three empty bottles because formula comes free with our day care tuition.

I found the O and the H blocks.  Or H found them.  They were just underneath some clothes so that shows you how disorganized we are.  I'm looking forward to a fresh new start in the new house.  So much room to organize!

Weight and Other Stats: I don't know.  There's no five month appointment.  Maybe he's 15 pounds?  I think he's HUGE!

Size: Still in Size 2 diapers and clothes are sort of all over the map.  Some three month onesies still fit but he fits best in nine to twelve month pants.  Maybe he'll have long legs like me?

Eating: I don't really know since I don't send breast milk anymore but even when I did day care usually was giving him a fourth bottle right when I was picking him up.  He never eats four times in eight and a half hours when he's with me but he also doesn't really nap for them. I'm over it.  On the weekends he eats his regular 24-28 ounces and seems satisfied.  We started solids two weeks ago, right after five months, but it is going incredibly slowly.  Benjamin is disinterested in purees and bananas made me freak out and rip it out of his mouth.  BLW fail.

Sleeping: Much better!  We went back to the swaddle for a while but now we are firmly with the Magic Sleep Suit and he is doing okay.  He goes down religiously at 6 pm, so only about thirty minutes after we get home and will sleep until around midnight or 1 a.m.  If we're lucky he will go back down until 5 a.m. after that but then can be "pacified" until after 7.  DH and I trade off nights which is the best system ever.  Even if you have a terrible night you know you can sleep a solid twelve hours the next night if need be.

Benjamin loves sitting up.  He can't really do it for any sustained period of time but he looks so proud of himself when I put him on the couch and just let him be...until he falls over.

Just this week he has started developing a touch of separation anxiety which is pretty sad.  I wasn't expecting that for a while but he got so upset playing Hide N Seek with H and kept looking at the door when I was in and out of the bathroom drying my hair.

He loves music and will shake a rattle to a tune if encouraged.  He's been in Music Together for two months now and I think it's paying off.

Life is good.

Benjamin's First Halloween!

I had such high hopes for Halloween this year.  The weekend before Halloween, I planned to dress up in our awesome costumes and take Benjamin out on the town to the amusement and delight of many.  My husband always said it wasn't going to work but I was optimistic.

In the end we stayed home.  Sigh.  The night we were supposed to go out it was so friggen cold and we had to wait for our groceries to be delivered and after all that happened Benjamin was asleep and the idea of taking a cranky baby out into the cold night was just ridiculous.

But I wasn't going to let the holiday pass us by.  On the morning of Halloween I jumped out of bed as soon as Benjamin woke up so I could start dressing him up.  First up, I put him in the dalmatian costume my mom got him.  He thought it was great fun!  He also loved to eat it.

As soon as my very patient husband woke up, I directed him to don his smurf costume so we could take a family picture.  We had been smurfs for Blue Night on our cruise in January so we already had the costumes and I knew it would be a huge hit - at least on Facebook since we never actually got to go out in public with them on.  I'm glad we took the pictures first thing in the morning because there is no way Benjamin would have been a happy camper right before bedtime.

The fun didn't stop there! Day care had told parents that costumes were not allowed but "Halloween themed pajamas" were encouraged.  Being the Mother of the Year that I was, I didn't set out to buy said pajamas until the day before Halloween so we got stuck with a Robin costume. He still looked adorable though, if I do say so myself.

In all the excitement, I actually forgot to feed him so Super Dad swept in and did it while I got changed out of the smurf costume and into my work clothes.  And I wasn't even that late!

Benjamin - Four Months Old

Benjamin is four months old and we already lost two of his monthly photo blocks. Oddly enough, the "O" and the "H."

Oh.

I swear someone is messing with me. I looked EVERYWHERE. I could just go to Homegoods and buy some new blocks, but seeing as I am back to work and Benjamin actually turned four months old three days ago that may be a little TOO MUCH TO ASK OF ME RIGHT NOW.  

Weight and other stats: My big boy is fourteen pounds and two ounces, now in the fifteenth percentile! He is twenty five inches long, which I think is in the twenty second percentile. He still has a big head.

Size: He's still in size 2 diapers and all of the newborn stuff (even crazy Target) has been put away or loaned out.  Most of the 0-3 too.  There are a few "3 month" things that work but he's mostly wearing 3-6 month stuff now.  The other day he wore a Six Month jacket and I got a little weepy.  I'm not sure why I keep buying clothes he will only wear for like a week but it's hard to stop.  Old Navy had a 40% baby sale.  Much cuteness resulted.

Eating: Still pretty consistent, though I'd love to reduce the nighttime feeding.  I bring three 5 ounce bottles of breast milk to daycare and he usually drinks all or most of it.  If he doesn't finish his last bottle by 5 it's usually gone by 6 p.m. before he goes to bed.  Plus his morning bottle (5 oz) he SHOULD only need one nighttime feed but I swear he wants to eat every time he wakes up.  We try and try to find other ways to soothe him.  It's hard. He drinks 8+ ounces between midnight and seven no matter how much he drank during the day. He still gets some formula in addition to the milk I pump.

Sleeping: It's the worst it's ever been!  He pretty much stopped the magical seven hour stretches he was giving us.  Now we're lucky if his first stretch of sleep is four hours. Last night it was only two! We transitioned him out of his Miracle Blanket and into a Magical Sleep Suit.  Save your $40 because it is NOT magic. He's now sleeping in his Pack and Play instead of his Rock N Play.  We wedge it in between my husband's bathroom and the closet so he has his own little alcove, much to the dismay of our younger cat who likes to sleep in the closet. I am sleeping more soundly now that he's not three inches away but the downside is I actually have to get out of bed to try and soothe him. He still goes to bed between 6 and 6:30 and woe to the person who tries to mess with that.

Being back at work was awesome at first.  My first day back I got a call about a second interview and had that in the middle of my third day back. I really thought I hit it out of the park.  Since then I've been a giant ball of nerves waiting to hear back.

Benjamin is doing well in daycare.  His teachers are really nice.  He seems to be quite popular over there and I know they're taking good care of him.  We walk to work together every morning and I go and visit him around lunchtime.  I'm pretty happy with the arrangement thus far.

Developmentally, I don't know.  Benjamin rolled over.  And then stopped.  Benjamin laughed.  Once.  I guess this happens with kids but it's pretty stressful reading about other kid's milestones so I'm just going to skip that part so as to not pass my anxiety on to other parents.  I'm sure your four month old is fine.  Stop googling!

Benjamin - Three Months Old

Benjamin is three months old!  This month we took him to his first ever music festival and he was the world's best baby the whole weekend.  I was worried he would melt down or the weather would suck or all of our friends would abandon us but, luckily, none of that happened at all. 

I know it seems self-serving to attribute interests to someone who has been on the planet less than 100 days, but Benjamin really likes to listen to music.  He would smile and pay attention when a band was playing and get annoyed at set break.  He's our kid! I want to sign him up for a Music Together class which starts next month but I'm not sure how it would impact his bedtime.

My husband taught him to move him arms up and down in tune with the music.  So cute! We also noticed he sleeps the best when he's outdoors so he pretty much slept through eighty percent of the festival.  He did, however, let us take him to the Kids Tent where frankly, he is way too young for the miniature golf or other activities but we still hung out to make some friends with kids and show off his awesome bear costume in honor of the theme of the Kid's Tent - Bear Song.

Weight and other stats: For whatever reason, there is NO three month appointment at my pediatrician's office so we don't know.  I think he's probably twelve pounds now.


Size: He's mostly in 0-3 month clothes now.  We bought a whole bunch of soft onesies from The Gap that were barely used by a friend so he wears those daily because I love them.  The Target newborn onesies I bought still fit too and like one or two things that just say "three months."  We breezed past Size 1 Pampers Swaddlers pretty fast and now we're in Size 2.

Eating: I don't keep track anymore but I swear he's in a growth spurt.  He sucked down three bottles last night so that's about 11 ounces.  During the day today he had about sixteen?  I don't know, it seems like he eats a ton but it's still pretty consistently 24-28 ounces a day. I pump six times a day so Benjamin consumes about 80% breast milk.

Sleeping: I have been on a mission to get him to nap lately.  Three days this week I've managed to get a two to three hour nap.  It takes very hard work and determination though!  I should write more about this later.


Likes: His hands!  Seriously he has so much fun just sucking on his hands or looking at them, especially in the morning.  I will unswaddle him and change his diaper and then go back to bed while he lays next to me in the Rock N Play cracking himself up talking to his hands.


Dislikes: Sigh.  He has gone off his swing, which was always sort of hit or miss.  And he still hasn't taken to his "Zen Chair" which means a whole lot of baby crap taking up our floor space has been for naught (not to mention the money spent on them).  I haven't removed them from the apartment yet just in case he changes his mind but when we bring out his exersaucer that may change. Also still hates the Ergo (and the Boba Air) but loves this cheapy crotch dangler I got at a flea sale).


In other news, we went to visit my inlaws to spread my sister in law's ashes.  It was every bit as depressing as you could imagine, maybe more so actually. I am comforted by the fact that her kids are doing well.  I hope we are able to have a close relationship with them going forward.  My husband and I always talked about doing a special activity with my nephew before this happened and it just never came to pass for whatever reason, but now I know I should make sure it will happen.

We also went and stayed with my parents for a week, which was nice. I like being able to take a nice long nap or be able to pass Benjamin off to fresh arms. He loves to be held and luckily he's not too discriminate so long as someone is interacting with him.

That reminds me of day care...we went to visit since my husband had never seen the place I picked.  It looked nice and comfortable.  I am sure we will be happy there.  I am just sort of questioning how mellow it looked, lol.  Benjamin loves action and all these kids were just sort of laying around. Maybe I just came at a quiet time, who knows.  I'm going to see how it goes and reevaluate within a few weeks/months.  None of the babies were crying, so that's good.  AND it's only a few feet from where I work.

Finally, I have another job interview next week.  It's my third while on maternity leave so I'm not putting all my eggs in the basket or anything but I'm looking forward to it.   Same commute (walking ten minutes) but a potentially more engaging work environment and more moolah!

Hug Naps Are The Worst (And The Best)

Shortly after posting my last entry about a typical day with Benjamin, I lamented to some cyber friends how the only times Benjamin wants to sleep during the day is when I pushed him in his stroller or let him pass out on my shoulder for a while as I remain immobilized on the couch.

I have logged many, many miles pushing my Uppababy Vista this summer and I love it because it gets me out of the apartment and moving. And, occasionally, B sleeps soundly enough that I can even sit in the park and do some reading/browsing.

Unfortunately for my relaxation intentions, but perhaps fortunately for my waistline, there are days when I have to keep him continuously in motion because the slightest pause in movement makes him wake up.  He does this on car trips too - sleeps the entire time we are on the highway but startles awake when we are stopped at a light.

And sometimes I just can't push a stroller all day so we relax on the couch and he'll pass out on my shoulder in a sleepy tiny hug.

I love the hug naps, but after a few minutes I remember all the bottles I could be washing or the lunch I could be making, or the thank you notes I could be filling out (cringes, three months later)....and I long for the days of a few weeks ago when I could plop sleeping Benjamin in his Rock N Play or just down on his Boppy next to me on the couch, and he would continue to nap.

Those

were

the

days.


As time went on, though, Benjamin would start waking up the minute I tried to transfer him anywhere but my shoulder.

My cyber friends all had great suggestions, like nap routines that are similar to our bedtime routines including swaddling for naps like we do for bedtime and we are trying to make some changes.

Yesterday, however, while we were riding on a train on the way back from staying with my parents, I sort of had a naptime epiphany.  I walked through three cars trying to find two open seats so I could sit Benjamin's car seat next to me to no avail.  He woke up when I had to take him out of his seat and screamed.  I was so stressed out but luckily he calmed down after a quick bottle and then proceeded to fall asleep on my shoulder.  For two hours.  Every few minutes he would sigh and hug me closer.  As each minute went on, I grew less and less anxious about his crying disturbing a train full of people and came to realize, shit, I was the luckiest person on that whole damn train.

I don't really know the secret to naps and we completely are without a "schedule" for how we spend our days, but I know these hugs won't last forever so I'm just soaking them up for now.