Benjamin - Six Months Old

Benjamin is six months old! I can't believe it's been half a year since I met this little stinker. He is growing up right before my very eyes.  Every day he makes me love him more and more.  Benjamin loves attention.  He loves to laugh.  And he loves being out and about.  Everyone always says what a great baby he is - and he is - but only if we're not home.  I think he thinks home is boring.  Hopefully he will permanently think our new house is someplace interesting.

 
Weight and Other Stats: Between 16 and 18 pounds?  I'm not sure.  He's not due for his six month appointment until a few more days.

Size: Still in Size 2 diapers and he wears six month, nine months and twelve month pants.  Long legs.  Onesies depend on the brand but we're mostly age appropriate right now. I've stopped buying new clothes because he has grown so much the past few months it has seemed like a waste.  Luckily my mom keeps buying stuff at the consignment shop.

Eating: Hungry hungry hippo Benjamin has finally come around to "solids" which is good because he doesn't like his bottle unless he's desperately hungry because he's been teething for weeks now.  I feed him half a "jar" (plastic) of purees in the morning before his bottle and day care feeds him the rest at lunch.  We just started pouches this weekend and it was a huge hit - I think because it was nice and sweet.  Benjamin seems to hate green beans and other boring vegetables (which I didn't think would happen with babies if you introduced them early enough, oh well) but vegetables plus fruit seems to be working. We haven't tried any more actual "food" because I'm just not ready.

Sleeping:We are doing good.  Still goes to be right around six.  Still wears the Magic Sleep Suit.  Still wakes up once at night to eat.  Sometimes, like last night, he will wake up four other times just to cry and be sad, but I suspect that has more to do with teething.  He almost never opens his eyes when this happens so we just try to comfort him and walk away.

The newest thing that's happening is TEETH!  Benjamin is cutting at least one, and possibly four, teeth.  He appears to be cutting an eyetooth.  He wastes no opportunity to show you his tooth, or where it will be, or take your hand and put it over the affected area.  Tylenol and Ambesol are our best friends.  On weekends Benjamin just wants to be held all day and if we put him down he will cry. It's actually not as bad as it sounds.  There are certain things that CRACK this kid up but he's just not really into independent play right now.  H and I are convinced day care spoils him.  His lead teacher calls him "boyfriend" and rips him out of my arms as soon as I get into the room.  He is a little flirt and I swear he gets a little sad when he realizes he is going home with me instead of the day care ladies but I'm actually not jealous because I know they really love him.

Milestones?  None really this month though he is SO close to sitting up.  The tooth thing will be huge when it actually happens I guess.

In post partum news, I got my period!  Pretty much exactly one month after weaning from the breast pump.  We won't be ready to start fertility treatments again for a while but I'm not so secretly hoping for a freebie in the meantime.  I never thought I'd be ready for #2 before B was a year old but, what can I say, he is awesome and I loved being pregnant.  (Famous last words?)

We are close to getting his new car seat and soon we will hopefully be transitioning him to the Montessori bed in his new room.  I'm more than a little excited at the prospect of having a bedroom that I can enter between the hours of 6 and 11 p.m.

Buying a House! And Mental Health Check In

We are currently under contract with the most awesome house in the world.  I feel like such a fan girl every time I talk about it.  The house is awesome.  I get giddy just thinking about living there, serving dinner in the elegant dining room, decorating the mantels for the holidays, watching Benjamin take his first steps in the totally cool playroom I'm designing for him.

But..............

I'm just so nervous about it all because it's CHANGE and change and me are like woah.

Is it really going to work out?  Is it going to suck all of our finances or mental energy to adjust to living in this place? Is it the best thing for our baby?  To be honest, just trying to define our design aesthetic keeps me up half the night in a state of paralysis.

Isn't that crazy?

Did you think I was normal?

That was your first mistake.

I started this blog when I was first pregnant and I thought I'd write a lot about my mental health issues during pregnancy.  Then, amazingly, I felt really good throughout the whole pregnancy and even during the early months of motherhood. Better than I have ever felt in recent memory. That doesn't mean that it hasn't been a process.  Sometimes I wonder how the hell I will get through the night. Sometimes I just go to bed right after Benjamin does because I am mentally (more so than physically) exhausted. My life is so different than it was a year ago that it's hard not to be completely sidelined by the enormity of it all.

I'm sort of word vomiting right now but I just want to normalize mental health issues.  I know I wouldn't be as strong and confident as I am right now without regular therapy this past year and a half and I'm so thankful for that. And it's totally okay to be totally fucken freaked out every now and then.  Am I right?

So anyway, wish me luck with the house.  It has seven fireplaces.  If all goes well, I will own it by this time next month.

Benjamin - Five Months Old

Benjamin is five months old!  Actually he's just about 5 and a half months old but since his four month post I started a brand new job and entered into a contract with a really old house! So much excitement and so much paranoia about new job Internet monitoring means little time to blog.  But we are doing awesome.

In the beginning of the month I weaned from the breast pump.  I was hoping to exclusively pump for six months until Benjamin could get his flu shot but it just got too hard to handle pumping and everything else all at once.  I'm happy that I made it as long as I did though and that Benjamin got five months of breast milk.  And not having to wake up and try to wrangle an increasingly animated baby whilst pumping breast milk and prepping his bottles every morning is a nice change.  Now I just show up with three empty bottles because formula comes free with our day care tuition.

I found the O and the H blocks.  Or H found them.  They were just underneath some clothes so that shows you how disorganized we are.  I'm looking forward to a fresh new start in the new house.  So much room to organize!

Weight and Other Stats: I don't know.  There's no five month appointment.  Maybe he's 15 pounds?  I think he's HUGE!

Size: Still in Size 2 diapers and clothes are sort of all over the map.  Some three month onesies still fit but he fits best in nine to twelve month pants.  Maybe he'll have long legs like me?

Eating: I don't really know since I don't send breast milk anymore but even when I did day care usually was giving him a fourth bottle right when I was picking him up.  He never eats four times in eight and a half hours when he's with me but he also doesn't really nap for them. I'm over it.  On the weekends he eats his regular 24-28 ounces and seems satisfied.  We started solids two weeks ago, right after five months, but it is going incredibly slowly.  Benjamin is disinterested in purees and bananas made me freak out and rip it out of his mouth.  BLW fail.

Sleeping: Much better!  We went back to the swaddle for a while but now we are firmly with the Magic Sleep Suit and he is doing okay.  He goes down religiously at 6 pm, so only about thirty minutes after we get home and will sleep until around midnight or 1 a.m.  If we're lucky he will go back down until 5 a.m. after that but then can be "pacified" until after 7.  DH and I trade off nights which is the best system ever.  Even if you have a terrible night you know you can sleep a solid twelve hours the next night if need be.

Benjamin loves sitting up.  He can't really do it for any sustained period of time but he looks so proud of himself when I put him on the couch and just let him be...until he falls over.

Just this week he has started developing a touch of separation anxiety which is pretty sad.  I wasn't expecting that for a while but he got so upset playing Hide N Seek with H and kept looking at the door when I was in and out of the bathroom drying my hair.

He loves music and will shake a rattle to a tune if encouraged.  He's been in Music Together for two months now and I think it's paying off.

Life is good.

Benjamin's First Halloween!

I had such high hopes for Halloween this year.  The weekend before Halloween, I planned to dress up in our awesome costumes and take Benjamin out on the town to the amusement and delight of many.  My husband always said it wasn't going to work but I was optimistic.

In the end we stayed home.  Sigh.  The night we were supposed to go out it was so friggen cold and we had to wait for our groceries to be delivered and after all that happened Benjamin was asleep and the idea of taking a cranky baby out into the cold night was just ridiculous.

But I wasn't going to let the holiday pass us by.  On the morning of Halloween I jumped out of bed as soon as Benjamin woke up so I could start dressing him up.  First up, I put him in the dalmatian costume my mom got him.  He thought it was great fun!  He also loved to eat it.

As soon as my very patient husband woke up, I directed him to don his smurf costume so we could take a family picture.  We had been smurfs for Blue Night on our cruise in January so we already had the costumes and I knew it would be a huge hit - at least on Facebook since we never actually got to go out in public with them on.  I'm glad we took the pictures first thing in the morning because there is no way Benjamin would have been a happy camper right before bedtime.

The fun didn't stop there! Day care had told parents that costumes were not allowed but "Halloween themed pajamas" were encouraged.  Being the Mother of the Year that I was, I didn't set out to buy said pajamas until the day before Halloween so we got stuck with a Robin costume. He still looked adorable though, if I do say so myself.

In all the excitement, I actually forgot to feed him so Super Dad swept in and did it while I got changed out of the smurf costume and into my work clothes.  And I wasn't even that late!

Benjamin - Four Months Old

Benjamin is four months old and we already lost two of his monthly photo blocks. Oddly enough, the "O" and the "H."

Oh.

I swear someone is messing with me. I looked EVERYWHERE. I could just go to Homegoods and buy some new blocks, but seeing as I am back to work and Benjamin actually turned four months old three days ago that may be a little TOO MUCH TO ASK OF ME RIGHT NOW.  

Weight and other stats: My big boy is fourteen pounds and two ounces, now in the fifteenth percentile! He is twenty five inches long, which I think is in the twenty second percentile. He still has a big head.

Size: He's still in size 2 diapers and all of the newborn stuff (even crazy Target) has been put away or loaned out.  Most of the 0-3 too.  There are a few "3 month" things that work but he's mostly wearing 3-6 month stuff now.  The other day he wore a Six Month jacket and I got a little weepy.  I'm not sure why I keep buying clothes he will only wear for like a week but it's hard to stop.  Old Navy had a 40% baby sale.  Much cuteness resulted.

Eating: Still pretty consistent, though I'd love to reduce the nighttime feeding.  I bring three 5 ounce bottles of breast milk to daycare and he usually drinks all or most of it.  If he doesn't finish his last bottle by 5 it's usually gone by 6 p.m. before he goes to bed.  Plus his morning bottle (5 oz) he SHOULD only need one nighttime feed but I swear he wants to eat every time he wakes up.  We try and try to find other ways to soothe him.  It's hard. He drinks 8+ ounces between midnight and seven no matter how much he drank during the day. He still gets some formula in addition to the milk I pump.

Sleeping: It's the worst it's ever been!  He pretty much stopped the magical seven hour stretches he was giving us.  Now we're lucky if his first stretch of sleep is four hours. Last night it was only two! We transitioned him out of his Miracle Blanket and into a Magical Sleep Suit.  Save your $40 because it is NOT magic. He's now sleeping in his Pack and Play instead of his Rock N Play.  We wedge it in between my husband's bathroom and the closet so he has his own little alcove, much to the dismay of our younger cat who likes to sleep in the closet. I am sleeping more soundly now that he's not three inches away but the downside is I actually have to get out of bed to try and soothe him. He still goes to bed between 6 and 6:30 and woe to the person who tries to mess with that.

Being back at work was awesome at first.  My first day back I got a call about a second interview and had that in the middle of my third day back. I really thought I hit it out of the park.  Since then I've been a giant ball of nerves waiting to hear back.

Benjamin is doing well in daycare.  His teachers are really nice.  He seems to be quite popular over there and I know they're taking good care of him.  We walk to work together every morning and I go and visit him around lunchtime.  I'm pretty happy with the arrangement thus far.

Developmentally, I don't know.  Benjamin rolled over.  And then stopped.  Benjamin laughed.  Once.  I guess this happens with kids but it's pretty stressful reading about other kid's milestones so I'm just going to skip that part so as to not pass my anxiety on to other parents.  I'm sure your four month old is fine.  Stop googling!

Benjamin - Three Months Old

Benjamin is three months old!  This month we took him to his first ever music festival and he was the world's best baby the whole weekend.  I was worried he would melt down or the weather would suck or all of our friends would abandon us but, luckily, none of that happened at all. 

I know it seems self-serving to attribute interests to someone who has been on the planet less than 100 days, but Benjamin really likes to listen to music.  He would smile and pay attention when a band was playing and get annoyed at set break.  He's our kid! I want to sign him up for a Music Together class which starts next month but I'm not sure how it would impact his bedtime.

My husband taught him to move him arms up and down in tune with the music.  So cute! We also noticed he sleeps the best when he's outdoors so he pretty much slept through eighty percent of the festival.  He did, however, let us take him to the Kids Tent where frankly, he is way too young for the miniature golf or other activities but we still hung out to make some friends with kids and show off his awesome bear costume in honor of the theme of the Kid's Tent - Bear Song.

Weight and other stats: For whatever reason, there is NO three month appointment at my pediatrician's office so we don't know.  I think he's probably twelve pounds now.


Size: He's mostly in 0-3 month clothes now.  We bought a whole bunch of soft onesies from The Gap that were barely used by a friend so he wears those daily because I love them.  The Target newborn onesies I bought still fit too and like one or two things that just say "three months."  We breezed past Size 1 Pampers Swaddlers pretty fast and now we're in Size 2.

Eating: I don't keep track anymore but I swear he's in a growth spurt.  He sucked down three bottles last night so that's about 11 ounces.  During the day today he had about sixteen?  I don't know, it seems like he eats a ton but it's still pretty consistently 24-28 ounces a day. I pump six times a day so Benjamin consumes about 80% breast milk.

Sleeping: I have been on a mission to get him to nap lately.  Three days this week I've managed to get a two to three hour nap.  It takes very hard work and determination though!  I should write more about this later.


Likes: His hands!  Seriously he has so much fun just sucking on his hands or looking at them, especially in the morning.  I will unswaddle him and change his diaper and then go back to bed while he lays next to me in the Rock N Play cracking himself up talking to his hands.


Dislikes: Sigh.  He has gone off his swing, which was always sort of hit or miss.  And he still hasn't taken to his "Zen Chair" which means a whole lot of baby crap taking up our floor space has been for naught (not to mention the money spent on them).  I haven't removed them from the apartment yet just in case he changes his mind but when we bring out his exersaucer that may change. Also still hates the Ergo (and the Boba Air) but loves this cheapy crotch dangler I got at a flea sale).


In other news, we went to visit my inlaws to spread my sister in law's ashes.  It was every bit as depressing as you could imagine, maybe more so actually. I am comforted by the fact that her kids are doing well.  I hope we are able to have a close relationship with them going forward.  My husband and I always talked about doing a special activity with my nephew before this happened and it just never came to pass for whatever reason, but now I know I should make sure it will happen.

We also went and stayed with my parents for a week, which was nice. I like being able to take a nice long nap or be able to pass Benjamin off to fresh arms. He loves to be held and luckily he's not too discriminate so long as someone is interacting with him.

That reminds me of day care...we went to visit since my husband had never seen the place I picked.  It looked nice and comfortable.  I am sure we will be happy there.  I am just sort of questioning how mellow it looked, lol.  Benjamin loves action and all these kids were just sort of laying around. Maybe I just came at a quiet time, who knows.  I'm going to see how it goes and reevaluate within a few weeks/months.  None of the babies were crying, so that's good.  AND it's only a few feet from where I work.

Finally, I have another job interview next week.  It's my third while on maternity leave so I'm not putting all my eggs in the basket or anything but I'm looking forward to it.   Same commute (walking ten minutes) but a potentially more engaging work environment and more moolah!

Hug Naps Are The Worst (And The Best)

Shortly after posting my last entry about a typical day with Benjamin, I lamented to some cyber friends how the only times Benjamin wants to sleep during the day is when I pushed him in his stroller or let him pass out on my shoulder for a while as I remain immobilized on the couch.

I have logged many, many miles pushing my Uppababy Vista this summer and I love it because it gets me out of the apartment and moving. And, occasionally, B sleeps soundly enough that I can even sit in the park and do some reading/browsing.

Unfortunately for my relaxation intentions, but perhaps fortunately for my waistline, there are days when I have to keep him continuously in motion because the slightest pause in movement makes him wake up.  He does this on car trips too - sleeps the entire time we are on the highway but startles awake when we are stopped at a light.

And sometimes I just can't push a stroller all day so we relax on the couch and he'll pass out on my shoulder in a sleepy tiny hug.

I love the hug naps, but after a few minutes I remember all the bottles I could be washing or the lunch I could be making, or the thank you notes I could be filling out (cringes, three months later)....and I long for the days of a few weeks ago when I could plop sleeping Benjamin in his Rock N Play or just down on his Boppy next to me on the couch, and he would continue to nap.

Those

were

the

days.


As time went on, though, Benjamin would start waking up the minute I tried to transfer him anywhere but my shoulder.

My cyber friends all had great suggestions, like nap routines that are similar to our bedtime routines including swaddling for naps like we do for bedtime and we are trying to make some changes.

Yesterday, however, while we were riding on a train on the way back from staying with my parents, I sort of had a naptime epiphany.  I walked through three cars trying to find two open seats so I could sit Benjamin's car seat next to me to no avail.  He woke up when I had to take him out of his seat and screamed.  I was so stressed out but luckily he calmed down after a quick bottle and then proceeded to fall asleep on my shoulder.  For two hours.  Every few minutes he would sigh and hug me closer.  As each minute went on, I grew less and less anxious about his crying disturbing a train full of people and came to realize, shit, I was the luckiest person on that whole damn train.

I don't really know the secret to naps and we completely are without a "schedule" for how we spend our days, but I know these hugs won't last forever so I'm just soaking them up for now.

A Rainy Day With Benjamin

When I was pregnant I desperately searched baby blogs for detailed accounts of what mothers did with their new babies all day.  I had major anxiety over the idea of staying cooped up in the apartment all day and thought if I was armed with an arsenal of "activities" I wouldn't go crazy.  I can't tell you how many times I googled "maternity leave activities."  LOL.  I still remember telling my husband how much I wanted to take B to a working dairy farm.  Because maybe he needed to learn agribusiness?  I'm not sure exactly.

Even though we have yet to spend a day like I envisioned sprawled out on a picnic blanket or hiking a natural trail, I still try to give B a fair share of "activities" each day. And since there may be other anxious mothers to be out there wondering just how the heck the day is going to go, I decided to chronicle a "typical" day.  Not everyday has been like this but a lot of them have been close.  I didn't write down exact times as they were happening but here's basically how the last twelve hours have unfolded.

8:30 a.m. - H gets up to get ready for work and B is stirring.  I silently curse H for not picking up B because I just got back to bed from a feed/pump session less than ninety minutes ago.  Decide that B doesn't really want to wake up so I turn on the Sleep Giraffe and rock his Rock N Play until my wrist feels like it will fall off.  It works.  He sleeps for 40 more minutes.

9:10 - B is awake. Change shirt and diaper.  Feed while laying in bed watching The Today Show.  Chat, smile, laugh.

10:30 - B is getting overtired.  Check forecast and see there's a 100% chance of rain.  Boo.  Decide I don't care and throw B in his stroller with the rain cover and set out for a walk. Head to a bagel shop six blocks away.  B is asleep by the second block.  Kid loves going for walks.

10:45 - Order a delicious bagel with cream cheese and lox and a 20 ounce coffee.  It had been a crappy long night.  Eat the shit out of it.  Play with iphone.

11:30 - B is waking up.  Head home.  Feed.  Pump while he sits on my lap or on the Boppy pillow next to me.  Change diaper.  Chat, smile, laugh.

1:00 - B falls asleep on my chest and proceeds to take little cat naps for the next hour or so while I watch Netflix.

2:00 - Put B in his swing for 5 minutes while I do dishes and H makes us lunch.  He is not having it.  Pick him up and hold him.  Pump again.

3:00 - B is overtired again.  Throw him back in the stroller.  Walk to the big park across the street.  By the time I get to the lake, he is asleep.  Because his afternoon nap is usually harder to sustain I walk for thirty more minutes just to ensure he stays asleep.  Great calorie burner!  Sit on a bench for another thirty minutes and read my Kindle.

4:00 - B is starting to wake up.  Head home.  Change diaper.  Eat. Place B on his activity mat for 10 minutes while I do more dishes.  H leaves to go out, which means I'll handle the nighttime swaddle and put down which I've only done a handful of times by myself at this point.

5:00 - Call my Mother In Law while bouncing B on my lap for thirty minutes.  By the time the phone call is over he is a cranky mess.  Attempt to put him in swing.  Fail.  He cries on and off ten seconds at a time, a sure sign he has earned a One Way Ticket to Swaddle Town.  Try as I may, I cannot beat his early bedtime tendencies.

5:40 - Swaddle B and put him in his Rock N Play.  Sing Christmas carols until he falls asleep.  Take a nap.

7:00 - B starts crying in his sleep.  Rock him a little until he stops.  Go back in the living room to have a glass of wine and pump.

8:00 - Make dinner.  Check on B.  Write blog post.

For the past six weeks he will sleep for six hours after his initial nighttime swaddle but lately he starts to fall apart earlier and earlier in the night.  I've tried various techniques to move the six hour stretch to later in the night but without success.  So I will pump again at 10 and then head to bed.  B will likely wake up at midnight, 3, 5 and 7.  LOL.  So that was our day!

B is 11 weeks old and has never seen a working dairy farm.

Benjamin - Two Months Old

Benjamin's second month was even more exciting than his first. He is waking up and is much more alert and active than last month. We have been taking him with us pretty much everywhere because this kid loves to be on the move.  It is more challenging but I feel like the challenges accelerate at the same pace as the rewards so it's easier to manage.

The most important thing this month is that Benjamin learned how to smile!  He now smiles and coos frequently.  Sometimes it sounds like he is trying to talk.  For some strange reason he likes to coo and smile and strangers more than his poor mother but oh well, he's a baby.

Benjamin has also discovered his hands. He is content, at times, to just sit and look at them flapping in the air.  Then he coos and I imagine he is saying "did you know I had hands?!"

Weight and other stats: As of last week (eight weeks exactly) Benjamin weighed ten pounds, seven ounces. He is still in the thirteenth percentile so he's staying on his curve from last month which is a relief. He is twenty two inches tall.  This lands him in the fifteenth percentile.  His head circumference is thirty nine and a half centimeters (sixty eighth percentile).  It is sort of crazy that his next regular doctor's appointment isn't until he is four months old.  They really trust us with him for two more months?  Okay then!

Size: I swear he grows overnight.  We moved up to the Size One Pampers Swaddlers and now I'm not sure I like them as much.  B's hips are a little wide for them.  But seeing as my coupon clipper husband bought us a thousand of them, I will see how it goes for the next few weeks. In clothes he's still fits in Newborn the best.

Eating: Benjamin loves to eat.  He still drinks about 24 ounces a day, but I stopped keeping track of every single ounce lately and just feed him when he's hungry.  Our lactation consultant sort of made fun of me and said to stop tracking it.  I resisted and kept at it for a while but when we were out of town this week and other people were feeding him I just gave up.  I do know that he is still drinking mostly breast milk (about 16 ounces a day that I'm able to pump) and for that I am grateful. He recently had a procedure to correct a lip tie and a tongue tie so we are still hopeful that he will be able to feed directly from the breast but we are taking it one day at a time.

Sleeping: He sleeps ::whispers:: a good six hour stretch almost every night and has since he was five weeks old.  Sometimes seven and once he slept eight and a half hours.  Of course there are the (thankfully rare) nights that he only sleeps four hours in the longest stretch but those are almost always attributed to a bad swaddle or dirty diaper.  From reading other new mom experiences I know that we are insanely lucky to have a good sleeper.  The daytime sleep is less predictable.  We can usually get a good three hour nap in the early afternoon but sometimes I have to work for it and take him on a really long walk.  He seems asleep but then his eyes pop open as soon as I stop walking.  At least I'm burning calories!

Likes: Warm bottles (we started warming them up after someone gave us a bottle warmer and it's helped a lot with his craziness at feeding time). The stroller and going on walks where he can look at the trees and their shadows.  Taking a bath with me (no screams!).

Dislikes: Being changed.  Waiting for a bottle.  Gas. The Ergo (sigh, we'll keep trying).

I am enjoying my maternity leave and can't believe it's half over already.  My husband just got offered a new job (woot woot) so we've had an awesome month in many ways.

First Month Baby Products I Loved

I always thought posts about must have baby products were very helpful so I figured I would share some of my own experience with baby products here.  When I was pregnant, looking up baby stuff was SO overwhelming.  I told my husband it was like preparing to send an alien to summer camp, but really, you work with what you have and hopefully won't have to run out to the store too many times.

I'm going to do one post for baby supplies, one post for baby clothing/bedding, and one post for Mom and Dad stuff.  Stay tuned!

For our first month with Benjamin, I am grateful we had the following gear for the baby:

Benjamin at one week old

1. The Wubbanub - Our hospital is "breastfeeding friendly" and thus does not provide pacifiers to newborns.  Knowing this in advance and having a general knowledge of a baby's need to suck, I planned on packing some pacifiers in the diaper bag.  Then I went into labor before I packed the diaper bag.  My husband ran home the first night to grab some stuff and I told him to find a pacifier.  I had several regular Soothies and MAMs ready to go but he couldn't find them and grabbed the Wubbanub we had received as a gift.  And thus a love affair began.

Anytime we took Benjamin out in the car seat we made sure to have his pal the monkey with us in case he started to fuss.  He didn't really want it any other time but I think the monkey helped calm him when he's strapped into his seat.  As time went on we discovered that sucking on the Wubbanub also helped him fall asleep.  I'm sure a regular Soothie would work too, but the Wubbanub adds weight in the form of a stuffed animal to the pacifier so it doesn't fall out as easily.  Usually he falls asleep and spits it out so I go and move it down by his legs.

Benjamin at one month old

On the fourth of July we went to see the fireworks and lost the monkey and I was inconsolable.  My husband ran out to the store to replace it, only to find that there were no monkeys at the store.  Enter our new friend, the kitty.  I still missed the monkey, however, so I bought one off Amazon.  So new mom trick is to make sure you have two of everything you are attached to.  Not that your baby knows the difference between a monkey and a kitty because he's a baby, but it's amazing how sentimental you get about these things.  Monkey came back from vacation via our friend Amazon Prime free shipping.  Benjamin has started to hold onto it and it's too cute.  I die.

Apparently the pacifier is only designed for babies up to six months and I'm sad in advance of that day coming.  And, yes, my baby is improperly secured in his car seat in the picture to the left but we didn't go anywhere in the car that day so nobody panic.

PSA; Remove blankets after snapping photo

2. The Rock and Play -  I had heard a lot about the Rock and Play while I was pregnant. Some people swear by it.  Then there was a recall and people freaked out!  Then others resisted it because they said babies need to get used to not sleeping on an incline.  I thought I was in the last camp but put a Rock and Play on my registry just because.  And, we love it like woah.  Benjamin can sleep anywhere.  We are lucky that he can fall asleep in his swing, bassinet, car seat, etc. but we get the longest and best stretch of sleep when he is in his Rock and Play. It is also very easily portable so in the early days when we had to be in the same room as him all the time we could just carry it wherever we went.  We've also brought it when we've stayed with family because it's easy to take apart and throw in the car.  My sister's monster baby slept in his for 5 months so I'm hoping to get until month 6 with the Rock and Play being our primary sleeping device (we don't own a crib at the moment).

3. The Sleep Giraffe - Similar to the Sleep Sheep, a baby product that also has mixed reviews, we love our Sleep Giraffe.  This morning, in fact, turning on the Sleep Giraffe lulled Benjamin back to sleep when he was thinking about waking up and I got an additional half hour of sleep out of him.  Priceless.  We're also hoping to use it in our monthly photos to compare its size with Benjamin's size since it fits our jungle theme.

4. Wipe Warmer - I know, I know.  I thought wipes warmers were dumb until I had a baby who screamed whenever a cold wet wipe touched his butt.  It was so night and day after we got this warmer as a gift that we went out and bought a second one for our other changing area.

5. Vinyl changing pad - I spent a long amount of time selecting the cutest cover to go with my regular changing pad...and then I had a baby who made a bowel movement during every diaper change.  We went through a packet of the disposable changing pad covers every other day until my husband went out and bought this vinyl pad instead.  Now the bowel movements have eased up but we don't dare change a poopy diaper on a fabric changing pad anymore.  Ain't nobody got time to do all that laundry.  The vinyl you can just wash off!  Genius. 

The toy bar sort of sucks just FYI but maybe when he's older he'll be more interested in it.

Everything else (minus the car seat) I could have probably lived without our first month home.

Benjamin - One Month Old

Amazingly, Benjamin turned one month old yesterday.  Ever since DH told me that he looked up where Benjamin fit in the infant growth chart I had been anxiously awaiting his one month appointment.  I know he came a little early and is eating a lot and having the appropriate number of diapers but, oh man, how I feared that scale.  Call it new parent anxiety but I felt so guilty thinking that ninety six percent of babies were bigger than my Benjamin.  Every time he ate I would think, grow, baby, grow!

So now the results are in!

(Someone was a little too tired for this photo.)

Weight and other stats: Eight pounds, eight ounces!!!  Up from six pounds, four ounces at birth and six pounds, eleven ounces at around two weeks.  He is now in the thirteenth percentile.  DH and I were so excited.  He is twenty one and one quarter inches tall, up from seventeen at birth.  This lands him in the thirty third percentile.  His head circumference is thirty seven point six centimeters (fifty eighth percentile). 

Size: Up until a week ago the clothes that fit him best were a pack of Preemie onesies.  Now he's solidly in Newborn sizes.  Newborn Pampers Swaddlers are our diaper of choice but we may switch to Size One soon. 

Eating: Benjamin is now being bottle fed exclusively.  I'm not ready to write about how we got here but I know it's the right decision for our family.  I am pumping to ensure he gets breast milk and he is currently eating around twenty five ounces a day, eighteen of which are breast milk.  This works out to be an average of ten bottles, but only about seven feedings.  This is because every now and then we'll prep a three ounce bottle and Benjamin will want more so we give him a second smaller bottle.  Usually we can expect him to eat 3.5 ounces in one sitting but he's been known to suck down six ounces every now and again.

Sleeping: I've seen so many other moms refer to their baby's "naps" which confuses me because, if Benjamin is not eating, he is sleeping, save for two wakeful periods a day.  So I guess he has four "naps" a day and then wakes up twice at night?  But when does the day start?  Anyway the kid sleeps.  He sleeps on a Jeep.  He sleeps with a sheep.  At around two weeks we started using the swing intermittently for "naps" and he loves it.  He also sleeps in his bassinet, Rock and Play, car seat or wherever we happen to put him down.  I would say he sleeps for about sixteen hours a day. 

Likes: Eating and sleeping?  Cuddling.  His monkey Wubbanub (but only in the car seat). 

Dislikes: Being changed.  Waiting for a bottle.  Being cold. 

We have a pretty great baby.  Since my last entry we've had two more road trips.  One for my sister in law's memorial about two and a half hours away.  We only had to stop for a quick diaper change.  The second was to visit my parents (also two and a half hours away) who watched him while DH and I went out on the town.  He slept the whole way there and back!

It's been an amazing month!

Our Due Date Is Here

I never thought I'd have a twenty day old baby on June 17th, yet, as much as I said over and over again how I was prepared to be pregnant past my due date, I much prefer having Benjamin safely here at home with us instead.  We went out to lunch yesterday for DH's birthday and Father's Day and I ran into a friend who is due on Friday.  Just looking at her made me cringe a bit.  Wow, she is really pregnant!  I'm so thankful that I'm not!

Now that I've put that out in the universe, I bet my second kid will be two weeks late.  Oh well.  That's not happening for a while, but I can totally understand the newborn envy mothers of older children experience.  I always said that babies were just a gateway to my preferred stage of development, namely kindergartners.  And sure, I'm still looking forward to that age.  But newborns are SO perfect.  They are so small and dependent and every time they open their eyes it's a gift.  Benjamin gets older every day and it's so cool (but hard!) to watch.  You really wish you could freeze time.

We've had a great twenty days.  Everyone always remarks how we've taken Benjamin "everywhere!" but really we've just been to a few local places, including a street fair last Saturday and the annual Gay Pride Festival in the park across from our condo last Sunday.  Apparently this makes me a rebel in the eyes of my family.  We've also been to Walmart, the doctor's office and three restaurants within walking distance of home.  All were a wild success!  Benjamin sleeps in the car seat anytime we take him out somewhere.  He even manages to stay roughly on his eating schedule.  We are pretty lucky.

This past Saturday was our first family road trip.  I was nervous about taking him in the car lest he woke up and we had to pull over to comfort him but, amazingly, he slept the entire 90 minute ride both ways!  We went to my aunt's house and Benjamin got to meet my entire extended family.

Tomorrow we may take a walk down to a park outside my office and have lunch with a coworker who wants to meet Benjamin.  And Thursday I was thinking of taking him to a Mommy and Baby group at the place where we took birth classes. Hopefully the weather will cooperate.

In career news, I had my two job interviews last week and I think they went well.  I'm being considered for three different positions.  I'd greatly prefer one of them over the others but if I'm offered any I will likely accept.  Fingers crossed.

Thursday we were at the doctor's office because Benjamin had the sniffles and found out he weighed 6 pounds, 11 ounces.  That's a gain of seven ounces in a week!  He's still only in the 5th to 10th percentile but I'm happy he's gaining steadily.  I've been getting more and more milk from my breast pump so he is now getting mostly breast milk in his bottles.  Yesterday, for example, I expressed fourteen ounces and he consumed twenty four ounces - his second most hungry day yet!

Physically, I'm feeling good.  Bleeding had tapered off but then came back yesterday.  I'm experiencing some nighttime anxiety still, which sucks, but Benjamin has been sleeping good stretches at night.  Last night I slept from 12-3 and then took over from DH.  Benjamin woke up again around 3:40 and 6:20.  In between I sleep on the couch or play on my computer depending on how tired I am.  Then, when H gets up for work at 8 or 9 I go back into the bedroom and watch the Today Show or sleep. Or pump.  Pumping is easier now that my Medela Freestyle has arrived.  It's just as efficient as the hospital pump I rented but much smaller so you can (theoretically) walk around while you're pumping.  My only complaint so far is how loud it is!

Not 39 Weeks - Postpartum Check In

Today at 9 o'clock I got a text from Baby Center that said "you are 39 weeks pregnant."  Sigh.  Its still unbelievable to me that, not only is Benjamin here, he has been with us for the past fourteen days.  I never got to worry about not going into labor before my (evil) doctor pushed an induction.  I never got to take last pictures of a ridiculously pregnant belly.  I never got to go into work days from my due date and make everyone worry I was going to have the baby under my desk.  I never got my farewell maternity leave cake!

Obviously I wouldn't change a thing and I'm glad Benjamin is here and healthy.  Just, wow, how did this happen?

There's so much I want to write about.  My birth story (nearly done).  Our postpartum hospital stay.  All things Benjamin, etc.  But for now, since it's easier and on my mind, I want to write about my postpartum recovery.

Weight: This has been a pretty awesome side effect of giving birth. Despite not really gaining weight during my pregnancy, I lost over twenty five pounds within days of having Benjamin.  I'm now about twenty two pounds below my pre-pregnancy weight.  And people I've seen or who have seen pictures of me on Facebook have not been shy about pointing it out. I'm really hoping I can maintain this weight until at least my six weeks postpartum appointment and then start working on dieting and working out to lose a little more.  Once upon a time (i.e. seven years ago) I was a healthy weight and I'd love to get back in that range.

Mental Health: Good.  Also better than expected.  I am still trying to reconcile the tragedy of my sister in law's death with the joy of the birth of my son and frankly I'm not sure I'll ever be "over it" exactly but I just try to enjoy each day and be thankful. I had Benjamin's placenta made into capsules and I really think taking them has helped my moods stabilize.  I'm basing this on the very thin anecdotal evidence of the one day I forgot to take my capsule my moods were a little more out of control.  I always said even if placenta encapsulation has absolutely no medical value, for $150, it was a risk I was willing to take and I'm glad we did it.

Just like the anxiety I experienced during pregnancy, I feel most anxious at night, particularly when my husband and I start sleeping in shifts.  I am grateful that I have been getting a decent amount of sleep but it's just not the same when you are used to going to sleep whenever you want and sleeping as long as you want.

I was able to attend my regular Friday therapy session at only ten days postpartum.  It was important to me to keep the appointment because I'll be leaving Benjamin with my husband to go on my job interviews this week.  More on that below.

Physical Health: I'm taking iron pills right now because I'm slightly anemic, and they are awful.  But I stopped taking pain killers day ago.  I don't have any vaginal pain.  I'm still bleeding and it gets heavier depending on my level of activity.  I assume my stitches have healed since I haven't felt them.  I get tired from standing long periods of time but that may be due to the whole reduced sleep factor.

Co-parenting: Going well.  We are mostly bottle feeding so it has allowed us to give each other breaks, which is nice.  DH sleeps a solid block of five hours at night in a row, while I take usually two shifts of three hours.  During the day it's much easier since we are both rested.  H did a little work starting the second day back from the hospital so that he wouldn't be too far behind and didn't have to charge his vacation time.  Starting today he is "back" on a part time basis for the week, but it's nice that he's still physically here since he works from home.

Maternity Leave Thoughts: I was enjoying watching The Today Show for a while but it's ironically very repetitive.  It's weird not being at work on a Monday.  It's weirder still thinking I may never return to my current job.  I have a certain level of guilt about that for some reason (then again I feel guilty a lot lately!).  In addition to the long awaited job interview that Benjamin's birth threw a kink in, I just got a call today from another agency and I'll be interviewing with them on Friday.  I don't want to count my chickens but if I were a better man, I would wager that some agency will snap me up by the time my maternity leave is up.  If I get a new job before DH (who has been interviewing for months) I will just laugh.  Wish me luck.

Benjamin is Here!

In my last entry, I wrote that I wanted to stay pregnant for at least two more weeks.  As a result I went and had a baby the very next day.  I didn't get to go on my job interview or ditch my OB's office.  I DID, however, get to deliver the world's best baby into the world on Tuesday, May 28th at 2:11 p.m. after a fast and furious labor.  Benjamin Eli couldn't wait to meet us.

We love him so much.

More (and more!) to come.

And my job interview has been rescheduled. :-)

37 Weeks

I don't have a lot to write this week.  Or maybe I do, but I don't want to write it.


The week started out pretty crappy and then got unimaginably worse when my sister in law, my husband's only sibling, died suddenly at the age of 38.  We are devastated and in shock. I don't know what else to say about it. Life is really just cruel and unfair sometimes.  She leaves behind a husband and two small children.

For some reason I have an ominous feeling this pregnancy is nearing its end so I wanted to document Week 37, as shitty as it is.  I honestly want to be pregnant for at least two more weeks no matter how uncomfortable it gets just to put some mental distance between the two events.

How Far Along: 37 weeks.  I've reached "term" even though according to March of Dimes "full term" isn't until 39 weeks.  Oh well, close enough.
Size of baby: Baby is the size of a winter melon, or, you know, the size of a six pound infant.
Total Weight Gain/Loss: No change.
Workouts: I think I overdid it walking around at a concert yesterday and now I'm miserable.
Maternity Clothes: Sure.
Gender: It's a boy!
Movement: All the friggen time.  He's clawing his way out.
Sleep: Fine when I'm not puking or peeing or anxious.
What I miss: .....
Cravings: Nothing.
Symptoms: Pain, pressure, general discomfort.
Anxiety Level: Can't even go there this week.
Best Moment this week: .....
Reading: ....
Dad is: ......

In other news, I have a job interview on Wednesday.  Yeah, at 37 weeks, 2 days.  As I mentioned before, I knew it was a possibility but it seems a little crazy at this point.  On the one hand, I pretty much loathe my job lately and I'm anxious for a change/salary boost.  On the other hand, I don't know how it would work out even if I did get the job.  I know I wouldn't be able to take the 18 weeks off I currently have planned, but would they let me take 12?  Anything less than that I would feel pretty guilty.  So here goes nothing I guess.

I'm also dumping my OB's office.  Or trying to anyway.  Stay tuned for news about this.  It is another reason why I don't want to go into labor anytime soon.  I need to straighten this mess out and soon.

But, in happier news, my tiny cat loves the new infant seat.